Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Auburn Hills, MI, there lived the Pentastar people.
They were a proud and hard-working people, toiling day and night to make stylish, elegant chariots. The chariots were admired throughout the land and the people were happy.
Until they were conquered by the Tristar people, half a world away.
The Tristar people chastised the Pentastar people and seized control of their chariot production.
Soon the chariots fell out of favor. So, to win back the hearts and minds of their former customers, the Tristar people enlisted a beautiful diva, Celine, to sing about the chariots.
Celine crooned tender ballads about the chariots. But she failed and was banished.
Then the Tristar people fled the kingdom of Auburn Hills, leaving the Pentastar people at the mercy of a three-headed dog from the bowels of hell, which is also known as Lower Manhattan.
The dog, not surprisingly, had never built chariots before. Still, he tried. And the Pentastar people lost all their money.
Then one day, a handsome and dapper Italian prince arrived in the kingdom. Not too handsome and not too dapper, but princely and Italian, nonetheless.
The prince chased away the dog and told the Pentastar people their chariots had become silly. He then inspired the Pentastar people to follow their hearts and build chariots the way they once did.
And instead of enlisting a diva to champion the new chariots, the prince decided – on the eve of a great gladiator contest – that the best offence is, well, a good offence. So he engaged the services of an aggressive man-beast, Marshall of Detroit.
Tended by Wieden + Kennedy, a Portland, Oregon-based ad agency, Marshall (reportedly) was set to deliver a message from the Pentastar people.
To be continued …