Detroit, Go Hollywood

When you're a hot young action star and you keep losing the big roles to old actors way past their prime, you start looking for a new agent — or a way to start producing your own films.

Figuratively speaking, Detroit should do the same. Its legendary muscle cars from the 1960s and 1970s still are getting the best parts while its new products are lucky to get supporting roles.

Critics will say that's because Detroit no longer is building products with “star power” — but that's nonsense. GM, Ford and Chrysler definitely need more than they have, but each has at least a few vehicles with the potential to become pop-culture icons, whether it's a Dodge Hemi pickup, the new Ford Mustang or Hummer H2.

GM has been particularly successful in getting back on the A-list of Hollywood trend-setters. The Cadillac Escalade, Hummer H1 and H2 now are vehicles of choice for hip hop stars, top athletes and Hollywood's elite.

Escalade and CTS featured prominently in last summer's The Matrix: Reloaded in one of the best car-chase scenes in recent memory.

And, thanks to big hits like “Hey Ya!” by Outkast, Cadillac now is one of the top automotive brands mentioned in popular song lyrics.

With the hundreds of millions of dollars they each spend on marketing annually, Detroit auto makers have all the muscle and savvy necessary to build the kind of aura around their products they used to have.

What Detroit needs most are star vehicles: movies where the cars steal the show and influence popular culture. Movies such as the 1968 Bullit, which immortalized the Ford Mustang and Dodge Charger.

Recent examples are The Italian Job, a mediocre film but a stupendous commercial for BMW's Mini. And of course, The Fast and the Furious and its sequel have done for Asian auto makers what a decade worth of movies did for Detroit.

I'm on this rant because Starsky and Hutch — the movie — opens this month starring Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson — and a '76 Ford Gran Torino. Starsky's beloved Torino played a pivotal role in the 1970s TV series. The same '76 car reprises its role in the new movie.

The Gran Torino is a true classic, but to me, it's like seeing Adam West get the part in all the Batman movies, instead of Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer and George Clooney.

Imagine their agent saying: “Sorry Mike, Val, George, but the producers say West (the star of the original 1960s TV series) was so good in the original, they want him back. He still looks great!”

Combining product placement with good entertainment nowadays is no easy task. Today's consumers will spot it and get turned off in a heartbeat if it's too commercial.

Forgive me for suggesting we tamper with the historical integrity of great culture such as Starsky and Hutch, but if Hollywood isn't giving it the roles it wants, then Detroit should do what all wealthy and well-connected actors do: They become co-producers and star in their own movies.

Maybe then Starsky would be driving a new '05 Mustang — or at least a '76 Mustang — instead of a has-been.